sábado, 22 de dezembro de 2018

How to re-built a soul

Sometimes I question myself why there's so many bad people in this world. Everytime I think on this I get inside an avalanche of thoughts and questions that never end answered. 
Since very young I used to always convince myself that in every single careless atittude should exist a reason or an explanation. I always refused to believe in uniquely rude souls. So during 16 years of my life I always tried to see the wonderful on the bad. I always tried to have hope in every single person, believing always that they might have a story behind their desumanity. I was not stupid but I was naive. Many of them had awful atitudes with me, I always forgave. And I won't say that those atittudes didn't hurted me, they actually hurted a lot, but I always believed in a good appologize. 
It wasn't all roses and butterflies, but I used to live normally. Until one day. Until the day that my world collapsed, until someone messed up with my balance. Until it destroyed my soul. Henceforward, I lived in a body that I didn't loved anymore, in a soul that I was hating all the time. Depression and anxiety arrises with an amount of feeling that I couldn't afford and sustain inside me. I wasn't myself anymore. I was like waking up everyday with no purpose, without knowing what I was actually doing alive.
So, the following years I had to re-built a home for myself, to re-shape a soul, re-raise the faith. To create someone from the ashes can be a tough deal, such as find a meaning in this shitty empty world. So I focused on the ones that stayed, the ones that cared. I focused on my goals, on my dreams. And I tried to create a bridge between what I used to be and what I was becoming. I did it. I changed. I grew. I learned. I switched my woody house by a stronger one to protect myself. And listen, changing doesn't mean you've less feelings or you're less sensitive or you won't get hurted anymore. It only means that you're more prepared to deal with the storms.
Life made me learn to expect and preparing myself to the ugliness behind the beauty. And it's so fucking unfair, isn't it? To loose your inocence and trust in humanity in a single ''flash'', just because the ''bad ones'' actually exist. With those 7 years of growing I took so many lessons and now I can only feel grateful for what I am becoming everyday! Even that sometimes I still feel like a sort of an alien in this society. Yup, I haven't lost my dreamer side among all those realistics.

Lesson 1: Never become like them. You can argue and take your position without being disrespectul. They only want to make you loose your mind. So don't give them what they want, because you're so much more than that.

Lesson 2: Be confident. I learned  that confidence and atitude is the key. And with this, I don't mean you have to step on others. But don't let others step on you too! We can all be confident and kind at the same time.

Lesson 3: Feel. If you want to cry, dont stop yourself from doing it. It makes part of the process of healing. So if you want to cry, or scream, cry and scream. Feel it all, in the deep of your heart. And I can only promise you that you'll feel so much better.

Lesson 4: Love yourself. When you spend so many years unloving you, you start to value every single victory like it's the first. So you should feel special too, cause you've the whole universe whithin your soul! So love the wonderful human being you are, love your scars, your flaws, because they're also part of who you are.

Sometimes I question myself why there's so many bad people in this world. Everytime I think on this I get inside an avalanche of thoughts and questions that never end answered. And then I smile to myself, because I am not one of them, I never will. And you know what? The change starts in each one of us!

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